I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
