you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
