i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
