I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize