Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize