theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
