My room smells like vodka and shame
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your cock deserves a montage
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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