Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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