just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
