I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
why is half of my head shaved?
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