I love black thongs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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