I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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