Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
