That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
