so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
