I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
