Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
