i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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