we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
