Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So vagazzling was a success
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
