White coat. Heels.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
