hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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