Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
