yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
