it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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