Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
COCAINE IS GR8
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
