I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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