Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
