this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
