Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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