We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
