I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
