i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we're so committed to being not committed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
