I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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