i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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