he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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