We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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