Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
