It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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