You're my little dorito
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
