Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
