I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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