batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
