go do what you do best...puke behind churches
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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