I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
