i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
