It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
