I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
