just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
