i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
