Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
