No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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