I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
