yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
