I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
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video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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