dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
