Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dick very happy bro
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
