You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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