Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
