oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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