my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
