I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
