feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
