Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
