i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
