I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're a waste of cheezeits
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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