i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
