Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
