I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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