Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
