i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
