I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I enjoy the company of your penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
