woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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