Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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